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However, as I mentioned before, to me personally, I was very pleased that
I was having a girl, for many reasons, but most of them having to do with
the fact that I was born a Witch. I was also born into a Christian
tradition, and those two things began conflicting when I was very young. I
was taught many things that I somehow knew were wrong, but of course as a
child it is a difficult task to articulate properly just exactly why you
think you don't wish to be baptized or why you don't think your little
friend from down the street is really going to go to Hell because she goes
to a different church than you do. It took me many years to try to put
together all the wrongs that I felt, but once I finally left the "Church" I
felt free to explore who I was at last. I say "Church" generically here
because the experience I have had is common among those of Pagan or Wiccan
paths.
During my
pregnancy, I had many magical experiences, from seeing wild dolphins play a
few feet away from me at sunset, to creating an offering for the ocean
Goddess Yemaja to ask her for her blessings, and then descending into the
warm ocean waves completely skyclad, my round belly painted with henna, and
giving my little boat to the gentle waves. When I finally did give birth at
Lammas, I had among other things, an altar with my favorite birth goddess,
candles, beautiful music and four beautiful women to assist in the birth,
along with my wonderful husband.
After my
daughter was born, I started reading up on Pagan Parenting. There are a lot
of resources available now, and I took advantage of them to read, read, read
about what life might be like to raise a Pagan child. I found a lot of good
advice and met some great people, but there is one thing that I keep running
into that really sets off my "wrong" alarms. I am concerned that this may be
the one thing that truly prevents us from really experiencing life as Pagan
Parents.
What I am
talking about are the "Politically Correct" things to say if you are talking
about raising your children in any "alternative" faith. I know that I will
probably offend people out there with this article, but - so be it - if you
are offended then there's probably nothing I can do to change your point of
view. These are solely my opinions and I am very stubborn so please don't
bother writing me long emails about how wrong I am. If you disagree, let's
just agree not to argue about it.
As I see
it, the "Politically Correct" way to talk about raising children in a Pagan
Path is as follows - "I want to raise my children to realize that all
other faiths out there are equally as valid. I will raise my kid to know
about other faiths and be able to make a choice about them when they are old
enough, but until then I will avoid shoving my faith down their throats."
There are
several things wrong with this to me - but I will label them generically as
Pagan Apologia. I don't know of a single other faith out there that does as
much apologizing for who they are. This is the single biggest "wrong" that
really gets to me when I start reading about advice for Pagan parents. Pagan
Apologia really starts to kick in when we start talking about our kids. We
feel that it is somehow wrong to inflict upon our children this
"quasi-religion that we sort of believe in", this excuse for other kids to
pick on our kids, this small niggling worry that we are doing something
wrong and we should just avoid rocking the boat.
This to me is
very, very wrong. If you are born a Muslim, you are raised to be a Muslim.
You are taught about all the history and traditions of your religion and
expected to live as one. If you are born a Hindu, you are very likely, even
today, to have an arranged marriage in the traditional manner and to pay
respects to your family Goddesses and Gods. If you are born a Jew, you are
discouraged from marrying outside your faith! If you are born a Mormon you
are expected not only to marry a Mormon, but also to convert your spouse
should you happen to marry a Gentile and if you are born a Buddhist, then
you are taught to meditate and celebrate the Buddha’s birthday!
Why then do we,
as Pagans or Wiccans think it is so wrong to bring our children up to have
such strong traditions as these, to honor our family's spiritual path, to
let them know about the Gods and Goddesses, and all the beautiful rituals
and the joy of finding wholeness that we as adults have embraced? Are we
concerned that we are being too rigid? Do we feel that our children will
somehow benefit from a feeling of rootlessness?
Most of
the time when I hear people talk about being in the Broom closet, they
mention that the “area” they live in is just too small, rural, Baptist etc.
for them to consider letting people know about their religion. I always
wonder how many people of other faiths actually live in the same area - who
would never consider hiding their beliefs. If we hide our beliefs then we
don’t give others the chance to see that we have nothing to hide, and that
the world is a diverse place. Yes, we may have to confront fear and
intolerance, we may have to advocate for our children in an active way. But
if we don’t, we will never ever stand a chance of having our beliefs
respected. If we don’t stand tall and show the world that we won’t back down
and that we demand the rights that have been granted to us, then we will
always be in hiding.
In my own life,
I thank Goddess every day that my daughter doesn't have to be raised in a
religion where she is taught that women are inferior, stupid, evil, or
incapable of being a vessel for Spirit. It's bad enough that these messages
are ingrained in the popular culture! If I someday have a son, I will
rejoice in knowing that he will have strong but not domineering male role
models to learn from. I only WISH my parents had been Pagan and in a small
way I think they were without knowing it. I am so glad
that I have a strong spiritual base to share with my child(ren) and I am not
the least concerned that they will be picked on just because of religion. I
look at it this way - kids can be cruel - and if you're too short, tall,
fat, skinny, red-headed, left-handed, shy, etc. you have just a big of
chance of getting picked on. There are many children throughout our modern
world who somehow survive childhood just fine even though they or their
parents are somehow "different". And if they should be picked on you can bet
I will call on all the warrior Gods and Goddesses I can think of to help
protect them! (not to mention sign them up for kickboxing) Religion is just
another thing that makes us different and unique and we should cherish those
uniquenesses.
I want to teach
my daughter (and any other children I may have) how to revel in the power and
beauty of the natural world and to embrace their gifts. The world is in dire
need of strong powerful people (especially women!!!!) who love the earth and
are not afraid to help make changes for the better because they have been
taught to obey religious leaders without question. I have no plans to show
her that all the other religions out there are just as valid, because for
me, they aren't. If I felt they were valid, then why would I be a Witch? To
me, most of them are male-dominated spiritually bankrupt power trips - which
are all vying for world domination and tearing the earth to pieces in the
process. (as witnessed by the unrest in the Middle East) I won't idly stand
by and watch her surrender her Goddess and God-given beauty to a burqa - or
the spiritual equivalent of one. She was born a Witch, like I was, only she
has the advantage of never having to pretend she's anything but!
I am looking
forward to sharing with her the joy and wonder that is life, and teaching
her that she is beautiful, strong, wise and powerful. I am a Witch, and so
is she - and I can't wait to see what happens next!
Next
- Part 2 --->
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